Winning Over Hurts

All of us will go through hurts at one point or another in our lives. But there are people who can continue smiling knowing they are secure in the Lord... then there are people who just can't seem to shake the hurt off. The pain becomes nudged deep in their hearts. And as each day pass, they become larger in our hearts and more concrete in their lives. And they refuse to shed forgiveness to the person who injured them.

Today's message is about forgiveness. We have no right to withhold forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:31 says "And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."


What Is Forgiveness?
Most people do not have a clear idea of what forgiveness is. What exactly is forgiveness? It is a deliberate or willful act of acknowledging the wrong and releasing someone from what they have done against you. It is saying to the person who did you wrong that "I no longer hold you guilty or accountable."


What Is Unforgiveness?
It is saying "You wronged me. You owe me. I want pay back. I want you to work till I think you paid me back." Usually with financial injury, it is more tangible and measurable. But what about emotional hurts? No one can pay back emotional hurts. No one can measure that.


How Does God Do It?
How has He managed to forgive us? Think - why did God send Jesus to deal with my sin? He sent His Son to forgive us. At the cross, He bore all our sins so that we have redemption of sins and His forgiveness. At the cross, Jesus said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Forgiveness is consistent with the nature of God.


Why Do We Struggle with Forgiveness?
1. Feelings: You must know that forgiveness has nothing to do with your feelings. You don't go 'Today I don't feel like in a forgiving mood.' Forgiveness is a willful choice. No one have to do anything or measure up to anything for you. And you have to choose to accept that and consciously choose to hold no one accountable for your own life - no matter what the hurt is. Remember you are not of the world. And as a believer, we walk together with the Lord. Choose not to hold anyone larger than Jesus.

2. Pride: You did that to me and I'm not going to let you go. Your self-esteem is speaking. The person will no longer be your friend. Remember again - willful choice. No matter what people do to you, choose to forgive. Act in a godly fashion and glorify Him. Some people may say, "You don't know how I've been treated." But you know something - there is always someone out there who have been treated worse and who have chose to forgive!

3. Bitterness: This is the most terrible of the 3. It is allowing the wrong done to you to fester. You can't hide the hostility, resentment resounding in you. The heart of all unforgiveness is bitterness. It is like poison to the body. It does not happen immediately. Often it is the result of festering and thinking of how you have been treated. Do not let the root of bitterness spring up. If you do, it will grow in you and affect your spirit, soul and body. Worse, it will spill over to other people's lives and they will be hurt.

A bitter person is cutting in their words and attitude. You can't sense real love. Bitterness permeates every part of you. Something has been allowed to grow, to corrode. Act in grace. Remember God's kindness and love to us is unconditional; is regardless of merit or what we have done. Bitterness is like a boomerang - it comes back. What we sow, we reap. If you are not satisfied until you've been paid back - that's not forgiveness. That's anger, hostility. Till you forgive, you will not be healed. And as a believer, the immediate response is to forgive!

Deal with bitterness. Put it away. Be kind to one another. All our sins were placed on Jesus. If He can forgive in that fashion, how about us? People will go on hurting you. God never said 'One more time and that's it!' How many times have God forgiven you in your own lifetime? How many times has He cleansed you from ALL unrighteousness?


Are You Bitter?
1. Emotional Bondage: People who are bitter are frozen and stuck in the past. They relive what happened to them over and over again. They are just angry and this spills over to people around them. They become a prisoner of their own doing.

2. Damage Own Relationships: They are unable to love. When you love, you give yourself to the person you love. But it is difficult because to love someone, you have to forgive and forgive and forgive. A person who is bitter suffers emotionally and their relationships are torn and broken because of unforgiveness. Even if it is not evident, deep down they have not forgiven. It is like a little bit of poison streaming out.

Think about it - can you truly express love with a person who is bitter and at the same time they are pushing you to the opposite direction and they don't know why. A person with an unforgiving spirit don't feel love; they shut it up; they build an invisible wall against it. You can tell them you love them but they don't believe you. A bitter person do not like himself. His mind and emotion tell him, "Why? You don't deserve it. Someone treated you so badly. You think the rest really love you? They will hurt you just the same." So you block up the most precious thing - to love someone. You fight off love in some fashion and this has caused great grief in marriages, in families and in friendships.

You cannot ignore an unforgiving spirit. It is tragic and it will destroy you. And people who harbour unforgiveness for years and years get affected physically. They are dealing with something that can only be dealt with at the cross.


How to Deal with Bitterness?
1. Acknowledge and confess about the unforgiving spirit and the hurts the person has done to you.

2. Ask the Lord to forgive you for the unforgiving spirit.

3. Declare by faith "I choose by the Holy Spirit to release that person from what I think he owes me. This is my choice. I choose by faith and not by my feelings. Father I release that person. When I see him I will be reminded by You that I have forgiven them just as You have forgiven me. Take over Father and hold this decision for me. I accept that person just the way he is."

This is an act of will. It is a matter of making the choice. You may recall from time to time the hurt but when that happens - recall also how the Lord has brought you through and how He has helped you to forgive. Deal with it with a finality. Close the chapter.


How Will I Know I'm Forgiven?
1. Your feelings towards them will no longer be what it used to be. Your feelings towards them will be different from when you haven't forgiven them.

2. It will be easy to accept the person without changing them. Before you forgive, you want to change them. Now you will be able to accept them just the way they are.

3. Your concern about the needs of that person who offended you will be greater than your own feelings of what they did against you.


Ending Note
Make that conscious choice - forgive and let go. The destruction bitterness bring to you is too great a cost for you to bear. The Lord has provided you a solution; an escape route. Grab it. The Lord can stop the bitterness only when you choose to say, "I forgive. Lord help me to deal with it in finality." And He takes over and you find freedom and peace in your life. And you can start to enjoy your loved ones around you.

From Dr. Charles Stanley - radio message